Beautiful Boy

Saw Beautiful Boy over the weekend. Wanted to see it in theatres but the opportunity didn't present itself before it was tossed out. I suppose the depressing nature of the film was the primary cause. Unlike Flight which covered the same topic, "Boy" was far darker with little in the way of ambiguity. In Flight one could debate whether Flip's alcoholism was a proximate cause of the accident while following the storyline. In "Boy" you basically know the kid's toast. You just get to see how it happens.

The preview had the most poignant line of the movie and perhaps the only real reason to watch it: Nik, during a group session tells how when he OD'd he was asked by another patient what his problem was. He replied that he was an alcoholic. The patient told him that his alcoholism and drug abuse was how he was treating his problem. The real problem was the hole/emptiness/whatever that was driving him to use alcohol and everything else.

I think that's one of THE conversation pieces from the movie. And it doesn't just apply to drugs. A lot of us do things and develop habits that are responses to "holes" in our lives. These things can be foods, relationships, TV, a lot of things. Sometimes those "compensatory behaviors" are very destructive and sometimes they are benign. Only the person doing them will know. One of the problems with these behaviors, depending on what they are, is that they can cost us the one thing we don't get any more of:

Time.

When we are younger most of our lives are ahead of us so we don't view missing a year or even 5 as a big deal. But as we go forward, the time ahead of us eventually becomes less than the time behind us. And that's when the cumulative effects of "compensatory behaviors" make themselves known: Bad health, Bad or non-existent relationships, etc. So even if the druggie (in this case) gets off the drugs, they have still lost the time. I guarantee you that the regret from THAT loss hurts as much as the recovery.

The second discussion point from the movie was watching the father try to help his son. The very real lesson being that you cannot help those who do not want to help themselves. If they haven't kicked the habit it is because they do not want to. In the end the father had to say no to his son. We see the pain he felt in having to do that. Of course his son thought he was the meanest mofo in the world. That's typical of those who we have to say "no" to. They only see what it is they want from the other person, rather than the hurt they are putting on the other person.

The father was only able to get himself together when he let go and stopped trying to "fix" his son and "fix" their relationship. He finally understood that there was nothing he could do. Nik, the son, after what I assume was a suicide by drug attempt, realized he was going to lose everyone he loved (including himself) and did what he had to do. When he did, he found his father there for him.

Lesson(s)? If you're hole filling with behaviors, address the hole and the behaviors will eventually cease. If you're trying to help the "hole filler", there's nothing you can do for them and they'll probably hurt you in the process. You'll have to let them go until they figure it out. Don't be collateral damage. The sooner you figure that out the better.