Pranks and Blame

So if you watch TV or read material on the internet you know that the nurse who was prank called by some Australian DJ's committed suicide shortly after.

Apparently much of the public thinks it's the DJ's fault.

I think this has to do with the so called "anti-bullying" stance that has gripped the US and Britain (and possibly elsewhere). It is always tragic when a life is lost that didn't have to be lost. It is also tragic when someone takes their own life when they have other viable options (I say this because I think people with terminal diseases ought to be able to end their lives before the disease does).

But this "someone else must be to blame" culture that is on the rise is ridiculous. Indeed such a prank could have been very harmful. Sensitive information could have been released. If that person was an assassin (work with me here) then someone could have gotten killed.

But none of this was the case. It was silly. We have seen these kinds of things all the time and normal people have a good laugh once the joke is exposed. If it is a high profile case like this one, you milk it for a bit of fame and then go back to life. At worse I could have seen the nursing staff given a review of hospital policy. But a suicide? Total over the top reaction.

What is most bothersome about this is not that he public as expected wanted a head to roll, but it is the unwillingness of the authorities to tell the public to STFU, have seat, Keep calm and carry on. Instead the state is abusing it's power by trying to find some technicality that would allow them to make a charge wholly unrelated to the actual death so that they can "get justice". It is a total abuse of power. Someone didn't have the mental fortitude to take a joke. That is not the DJ's fault. If the DJ's are at fault then all the Candid Camera shows are potential crimes. All spoof shows are potential crimes. The only thing keeping them from being prosecuted would be the amount of public "outrage" over the prank in question.

This is not how the law is supposed to work.

The "Doomed Man" and The Maths

I understand that a lot of people on twitter (which I've left) and elsewhere are venting at the photographer for not "saving" the poor man who was shoved off a NY subway platform and failed to get back onto it before being struck by an incoming train. In defense of the Camera man I'd like to offer this post.

First and foremost: most of us as in 90% of us are not in the physical condition to hoist ourselves up onto a platform with one heave. I can, but most Americans, who are technically obese do not have such strength and dexterity. This is not the Matrix. Dud was not going to up and jump, backflipping into the air right before being struck. His actual best bet was to lie in the middle "ditch" or whatever it is called rather than attempt to get onto the platform.

Secondly is the sheer math for any would be hero. NY subways are multi-ton vehicles that move at upwards of 50 MPH. The claim is that there was 10 seconds before he was stuck by the train. So this man and any bystander had 10 seconds to do what? Get him up after the fall and hoist him to the platform before being struck. Think about this.

A train moving at 50 MPH is moving at 73 feet per second. Put another way in the 10 seconds that the man was on the track bed, that train moved 730 feet. That's over two football fields of distance. Or from the 0 to 50 yard line in 2 seconds.

I wonder how many bystanders could have moved fast enough to get both the victim and themselves out of harms way in that space of time? Someone suggested jumping onto the tracks. Really? Exactly what were they going to do? Hoist him up and then wait to get out, effectively needing MORE time to clear the tracks of humans? That makes no sense.

This was an unfortunate situation but the math did not add up for human intervention. The only thing that would have saved this guy after being on the track would have been to lay down in the middle or to have been in very good physical condition to have vaulted himself to the platform in one go.

So lets stop with the unthinking criticism of the photographer. The math and the physics were against anyone who could have intervened. This is not a movie. This is real life. There is no green screen special effects here.

Flight

I'm no alcoholic but I have an addictive personality. That is I feel hard. Really hard. Once my feelings attach to something or someone it is not much different than being an alcoholic. Well, at least I don't have the busted liver, acidified blood, hang overs and the DWI arrests.

I saw Flight recently and Denzel played the hell out the role. I think he needs to win something for that performance. Very few movies affect me personally and this one did.

One thing an addict will tell you is that there are at least two things that they "enjoy": The anticipation of getting high. That is, knowing the high is coming. It isn't merely being looked for but it is going to be had. Secondly the actual event.

For me that is people. The past few years it was a person. Unrequited love or whatever the hell it was. But Flight made me see it for what it was: An addiction. Just as the addict seeks out the high and gets happy knowing it's coming, I would just be beside myself knowing I was going to see or speak to her. Haven't had it that particularly bad in a long time but there it is. Apparently it showed. A lot. People who barely knew me noticed it.

And like any addict will tell you, when the high is gone, they crash. Nothing is worse than the low after a high. And any addict will tell you each low is worse than the last.

She was my low as well. I knew exactly where things were going, or better yet not going and still looked forward to a word, a call, a message and an outing. Like the dope fiend that will do anything for the high. I would do anything to accommodate her. No request was too much. No distance to far to drive. No meal to expensive. Shit when we had gas rationing out here I drove my car to her aide (which turned out to be unnecessary) because well, I'm an addict.

Yesterday I kicked my habit. In the not to recent past I would have had a great laugh at the expense of some sorry negro who got all emotional and broke up about ending a "friendship" with someone who could have given two fucks about them "in that way". Well, obviously not any fucks at all.

I would have had a great deal of amusement at some sucker who allowed themselves to play "the man" when it was clear as day that they were not wanted like that. I would have told them they were stupid, a sucker and a good deal of other negative things.

Last night sitting in my darkened room, I was that sucker. That stupid mother fucker with his chest heaving and shit as he told someone he probably loved he could no longer remain in contact with her.

I've been on the other side of this situation. I never quite appreciated how it felt to be on the other end. The stupid ass "what did I do?" asked from the object of your affection who is likely totally clueless as to what they are to you (and the few who know full well and simply don't give a fuck).

I was once that dude who was the object of a huge crush. I did not care. If she wanted to hang out it was no problem. If she wanted to go out, no problem. She knows the deal right? Everybody and their mother knows that she is having major fantasies about love and marriage. Me? I'm just looking to have a good time and if she's game then so be it. I'm not even THINKING about how she may feel about being around someone she really really likes but who does not care. Worse, I'm going on about some other chick I'm seeing and the difficulties in that relationship and not even THINKING there's a problem 'cause "It's not like that and she knows it".

Yo. that is some cold cold cold food to dish to someone. And understand, people in that situation will eat that cold dish because in that time and space that dish is the onliest and therefore BEST dish ever. And each time I was around her she would hope that I would see how great a woman she was. And she was. And she thought if she played her cards right and kept herself available (even when she was fucking someone else or at least claiming to), I would come around to the great realization that She was for me.

The grand delusion. One I never thought I'd have. Karma is one long ass train with a funny ass schedule. But it arrives.

I know this because one day I got "The Letter". For those of you who haven't gotten "The Letter" before, understand that it will change you. The Letter explained to me everything I explained above. And you know how she finally moved on? After the letter I didn't hear from her again. And I'll be honest. It didn't even bother me that much. After all who needs the awkward conversation and the puppy dog eyes?

If you're like me you gotta go cold turkey if you want to kick a person habit. If you are so afflicted there is no "friend zone" with someone so oblivious to your feelings that they will continue to "hang out" and the like with you. They are using you plain and simple. Now it may or may not be vicious. It may not be intentional. I can't read minds. But plain and simple they will be getting far more out of the "friendship" than you.

Kind of like the dealer. He gets your hard earned cash, maybe a blowjob or sex. You? You get a brief high and an extra low and if you're really unlucky an incurable disease.

For a while I thought that perhaps I was simply being immature by not being able to handle being "the friend". I wasn't. People throw around "maturity" when they need to justify their positions or when they need to put other people down for not being able to handle situations the same way they would. People are unique. They are wired differently and respond to stuff differently. They are who they are. Any response that they have that allows them to remain healthy; to not be violent to themselves or others, is a good response. May not be the response we approve of. May not be the response we would prefer. But it is their response and their right to it. Respect that.

In the end, I had to do what any addict does. Kick my habit cold turkey. She had to go. And it's not because she was a bad person. Just like alcohol isn't inherently bad (brain cell and liver stuff aside). It is just that I can't handle being around it. Seeing and speaking to her was like an alcoholic going to a bar during happy hour. Not exactly a good idea. It's like having the drink in your hand and swearing up and down you won't have any. You're just trying to look social. But the whole time you are having a fight in your head: don't do it. but just a sip. Don't do it.

In the end, the resentment I felt at being what I consider used lead to a lot of anger. Just like you cannot keep being a drunk and expect to perform your work I was starting to vent at people that had done nothing to me. Redirected anger is OK when it's a punching bag. It's not OK when it's other people. It's not ok when it's yourself.

So I wanna thank Denzel and the universe for providing me with the vision and the message I needed to hear. I was lying to myself about my addiction. I was good at lying to myself about my addiction. My addiction was eating me up.

Hello. I am sondjata an I am an addict. I have been clean for 16 hours.

Secret Service and Man Shaming

So with interest I have watched yet another "sex scandal" grow in the media. The last one being Anthony Weiner's apparent "wiener" shot which got him in trouble and out of office. Then it was women leading the charge over his 'horrific" behavior. The view of many of my male compatriots was that he was an idiot and certainly deserved whatever ire was directed his way from his wife and perhaps the female that received the photo against her after the fact, wishes. But for the rest of us, it simply was not our business. Besides, as far as politics went, Weiner was one of the "better" democrats who had recently made a strong presentation on the house floor against yet another bit of Republican nonsense. It didn't make sense to any of us to drop kick one of your best players. But so it goes.

Now the media is obsessed with the fact that a few of the Secret Service agents in Columbia decided to get drunk and get laid while on what I presume to be their time off. I understand that they, while being on location aren't entirely "off the clock" but we know that they definitely have the right and the option to do personal business.

For some odd reason it comes as a shock to people that there are men who, when traveling overseas, get laid. Some pay for it and some don't. Not all men do it, but it happens. Some countries are, unfortunately, sought out specifically for sex. In the case of these Secret Service agents the country in which they were in has legalized prostitution. It is to the extent that hotels, at least this one, actually provide what I'll call "hoe be gone" wake up calls to guests to have the registered women leave per hotel policy.

I assure you that these men were not the first Secret Service members to have indulged in a locally legal activity. Why do we know about this now? Because one of the fellows got into an argument with one of the women. There are conflicting stories as to how much he owed and how much he agreed to pay. That is not really a point of contention with me. I. Do. Not. Care. There is only one valid concern with this that I can see: Did the actions of the Secret Service agents endanger the president or whomever else they were assigned to protect? That is it.

Since I'm operating under the assumption that these professionals "entertain" themselves in this manner on a "regular" basis, I am going to believe that these men did not act in a way that they believed would have compromised presidential security. I could see if they had done something as obviously stupid as take the prostitute along on the scouting missions but I doubt they did anything of the sort and I do not believe that the president (or any other before him) was in danger from the agent's use of "escorts". It would be one thing if these guys broke a local law (which as far as I know is not the case). It would be an entirely different thing if these guys were taking some locally legal mind altering drug that could impair their judgment long after it has been ingested, but sex? I am certainly open to having an investigation done though.

This morning I saw Sarah Palin on the television set commenting about how one of the agents is "fired" in response to a Facebook comment he made during the time he was assigned to Sarah Palin for security. Apparently this fellow was "checking Palin out."

The only thing I could think of is "and, so?" Have we gotten to a point in society where folks are actually under the belief that men do not "check" all women "out"? And that such "evaluations" says less that bill about how good or bad they are at their jobs?

Let's look at the Palin example. Regardless of how "hot" or "not" this agent may have thought she was, he clearly did his job. It is clear that he made no comments directly to her or her entourage at any time. It is clear that he did nothing that made her feel uncomfortable. If he had we would know about it wouldn't we? Of course. So it is clear that he did his assigned job professionally and completely and without incident. So why do we even give a damn whether he "checked her out"?

Well "we" give a damn because a growing segment of the population feels that they have a right to police the eyes, ears and minds of males, specifically heterosexual, masculine, males. You have many women who are of the opinion that they don't want men looking at them in a certain way (not physically but mentally). Too bad. It's not your eye and it's not your brain. The same way women do not want to be told what to do or what others can do to their bodies is the same way I could give 2 shits what someone wants to tell me I should and should not look at in public and what I should and should not think.

But this goes even further into the conflation of personal and employment life. What this guy said on his Facebook page (and I'm curious as to who violated the privacy of this individual and exposed his wall post to those who were not in his circle) isn't relevant to his work. It isn't relevant to your work unless you admit to committing a crime.

For example, when this Secret Service flap happened, pictures of Hilary Clinton were shown with her dancing and drinking. First thing I was wondering was why we needed to see that. Second thing was that for people who are morally opposed to alcohol consumption and dancing (yes those people exist) such behavior could be seen as "immoral" and "reprehensible" in whatever group they are in. Should we be subject to their particular codes of conduct when we judge whether they are effective at doing their jobs? I don't think so.

At the end of the day, after all the talking heads get a chance to get their time on TV, rational heads should prevail. They should be concerned with one thing and one thing only: Did these individual's behavior jeopardize the safety of the president? Did the behavior damage the relationship between Columbia and the US? If neither of these things have happened, given that having a prostitute is legal in the host country and none of the females were minors, people should shut up and sit down. The only explaining so far that needs to be done is to any of the wives of these men and that assumes the wives don't know how they get down when "on assignment".

All The Men Are Stupid

A couple of weeks ago I finally got to watch Crazy Stupid Love. No, there were no ladies in attendance. I actually wanted to watch the movie.

Shut up.

I generally stay away from "romantic comedies" because, well they are exercises in extreme fantasy that are faker than the flying kicks in your average kung-fu flicks. But somehow I still manage to watch those....but I digress. I simply don't identify at all with most of them hence their non-appeal.

My exceptions to date have been The Ugly Truth..which did in fact have a lot of ugly truths; and Hitch, one of my all time favorites.

Bite me.

No really, Hitch is like Cinderella for men. The fat nerd gets the princess. I mean what average shmuck would not root for this dude? And if you can't identify with the fat nerd, you can identify with the cool black guy lady killer. I'm not telling who I identified with, but I will say that I'm not teaching ANY guy how to "come in" 9/10ths of the way with MY mouth. OK?

Right then.

So this brings us to the topic du jour. I understand that Crazy Stupid Love is a comedy but the overtones of "the men are stupid" theme was just too much for me to bear. If feminists can bitch and complain about the portrayal of women in movies, then dammit I gotta stick up for the men.

Dammit.


So in the very beginning the tone is set when Steve Carell's wife decides to tell him that she slept with a co-worker and wants a divorce. All in one sitting. Steve being the "I have no balls" man as his character is, doesn't shout, scream or you know, leave her ass in the restaurant. No, he gets driven home by The Hussy...I mean, wife...who insists on continuing the conversation over Steve's objections. Does he tell her to "shut the fuck up?"like you know...any self respecting man who's been faithful would do? Noooooo...he calmly says "I really don't want to hear this" and then bails out of the moving car. Yes, the moving car.

Yes, I did laugh.


But seriously Steve? Your wife announces, in public, that she's fucking her coworker AND wants a divorce and YOU bail out the car?

From that point on I knew this was going to be a "the men are all stupid" kind of movie.


To add insult to injury, who gets thrown out the house? The cheating hussy? No, Steve the honest cubicle office man who's been crying in the bathroom where everybody can hear and who's been faithfully providing for his family.

What. The. Fuck?

I thought for SURE that there was some baby involved here. Some kind of rational explanation as to why The Hussy ought to have remained in the marriage home. Nope, the kids are way old enough to know mom is a ho and had to go. But I suppose the target market, clearly not me, would not have enjoyed watching the rest of the movie if The Hussy had to spend the rest of the movie trying to get back with Steve.

Anyway.

So Steve, now paying mortgage and rent I suppose, does the "loser in the bar" bit. I admit, I did the "loser in the bar bit" thing once. It's kind of hard to pull off when you don't actually drink alcohol, but....anyway, where was I? right..So he's at the bar where "The playboy" resides.


Of course The Playboy (tm) is the superficial "misogynist" who's entire life's goal is to bed as many women as possible, seeing how he's "won" the gender war. And of course he needs to meet the "right" woman who will make him see the errors of his ways and become more like Steve "I have no balls" Carell's character.

This guy informs Steve that his wife is fucking the co-worker because Steve has lost "it". Yes folks it is Steve's fault why his wife was fucking around. He was too boring. Remember that fellas. If you get boring you deserve what's coming to you.

*eye roll*

Then there is the neighbor. The father of the girl who babysits for Steve. He finds Steve at the bar where he whispers, WHISPERS that his wife has told him he can't socialize with Steve anymore.

What?

So to recap.. Steve's wife fucked the co-worker and announced it in a public place and asked for a divorce and Steve is the one to be shunned?

The fuck out of here.


So Steve's character, after a wardrobe change and a hefty bar bill (Side note: you folks actually spend THAT much on alcohol?), finally gets laid and proceeds to bed about 9 women. Remember this is a man...and I use the term lightly, who was just informed that his wife has been boinking the co-worker and wants a divorce. At a PTA meeting it comes out that he's had a few women and what does The Hussy do? She gets mad.

Excuse me?

How does the "I fucked the co-worker and now I want a divorce" wife have ANY say on who Steve fucked after getting that kind of news? How does she even have the RIGHT to be mad? Exactly HOW does that work?

Does Steve say "fuck you Mrs 'I fucked my co-worker'? Noooooooo...He's trying to apologize and shit.

What is this? Is this what women are watching on Lifetime TV? Are they actually thinking that this type of shit is acceptable? Is this the "new man" shit that's being promoted?

Fuck all that in it's entirety.

Do I need to even discuss the boy with the unhealthy fixation on the flat ass, flat chested babysitter? Do I? For the entire movie I was saying to myself...but she's not even THAT cute kid.

Back to The Hussy. After Steve has got his testicles off, the Hussy starts to "date" the co-worker she was fucking? Really? And invites him over? Really? Really? And during this "get together" the father of the "crush object" runs in on the assumption that Steve has been molesting his daughter. This because his wife, the one who apparently runs things in that house, presented him with a card with a "compromising" photo of the daughter and addressed to Steve.

Now you'd think that he'd first and foremost ask his daughter what the hell this is. Nope. Steve must be a molester.

*all kinds of sigh*

So the men don't think. They are two faced ('cause playboy is good for everything but your daughter), prone to violence and don't stand up for themselves. I guess this is what passes for good romantic comedies these days.

So there we have it. All the men are stupid.

Dear Babyface

Dear Babyface

a long time ago you released an album called "Tender Lover". It was 1989, I was either in high school or college. Didn't matter. I wasn't a lover, yet, so all those songs were fantasy to me. Anyway back then I thought "Soon As I get Home" was The Shit (tm). I don't know why. Well the music was the bomb. Still is. Those lyrics? That's a whole other story.

Back when I was 17 and stupid I thought that whole "Soon as I get home from work" was like an instruction manual. No lie. Not having a father around to set you straight on these things can do that to a youngster. That whole provide for your woman thing was something I vaguely identified with so that concept made sense. Besides, the last song I recall talking about the rent, went something like "nothing goin' on but..". However; since my only concern at the time was room, board, classes and why my then very long distance girlfriend was never home when I called. I didn't quite understand the gravity of the lyrics in your song. I'm older now and listening to this track causes me all kinds of head shaking. Let me explain.

Let's go over these lyrics.

Hey, come here for a second
I don't like the way he treats you
He doesn't deserve you
He really don't

I suppose this line works for you. I think LL did that in his "Loungin'" track

Anyway it's not that it's bad, but cliche. Really.

What kind of man
Would leave you standing in the cold
Must've been a silly one
To sacrifice a pot of gold
You're the kind of woman
That needs a man that's always there
It's not that you require a lot
Just need some tender love and care

Hmmm...Perhaps they had an argument. I dunno. Didn't I hear LL do this one too? Anyway I want to focus on this "Pot of gold" thing because sir, we will need to revisit this line.

I give good love
I'll buy your clothes
I'll cook your dinner too
Soon as I get home from work

You swing good dick. Ok. I think every brother has used this line. But that's not the really offending line.

"I'll buy your clothes?"

What?

What?

Not that you'll buy her *some* clothes. You just said you'll buy her clothes period. Negro please. Don't you know that folk don't value what they don't earn?

"I'll cook your dinner too
Soon as I get home from work?

What kind of role reversal nonsense is this? Since apparently YOU are the one going to work; 'cause I didn't see anything about what employment she came from, YOU are going to come home after working all day and cook her food? Excuse me sir, exactly WHAT was this lazy heffa doing all day while you were out buying her clothes and working?

I'll pay your rent
Your faithful lover
Soon as I get home, soon as I get home from work

You'll do what?

Please explain to me how you're coming home from work, with clothes you just bought, all ready to cook dinner and it's not your place.

Explain that one to me?

Why the fuck are you doing all that shit AND paying the rent on a place you don't live in? So after all that shopping, cooking and rent paying you're supposed to go home to somewhere else? Explain this to me.

For all that it's worth
I give good love (good love, good love, good love, good love)

And after ALL that you still have to claim to throw a good dick? I do not understand. Really.

You're the kind of woman
That needs a man with lots of cash
With a stack of major credit cards
And with me you don't have to ask

Do this "pot of gold" apparently needs a man with a lot of gold. I'm dying with laughter here.

Babyface. Look. With all that you wrote here it should be clear why some man left her "out in the cold." Clearly it was a trap for a sucker like you to up and find so you could do everything for this "pot of gold". See, you asked in the opener "What kind of man..." and stated that "he must have been a silly one." Let me suggest that If you don't see that your working all day, come home and cook, buy her clothes, pay her rent and throw the dick, to some lazy heffa who's entire day consists of taking the credit card stack at will for God only knows what. Then you sir are the silly one, not the supposedly now broke and bad credit having fool that left her out at the bus stop (or wherever you saw her).

Anyway. Now that I have revisited this song I just want you to know that it's been removed from my favorite slow jams playlist. I see why it was so popular back then. Pandering is always a good way to move units but damn...this is some low shit. Even for 1989.

The Sanduski Sam I Am Defense

I am not a pedophile
Sam I am
I do not like boys
in that way Sam I am.

I did not touch them in my car
Sam I am
you take this too far

I did not touch them here or there
I did not touch them
not even their hair

I did not touch them in my home
everybody knows
in order to touch them
you must be alone

I did not wrestle them on the ground
I tell you again
we were horsing around

I did not put his penis in my mouth
I did not touch him on the couch
I did not touch him in the locker
I did not touch him in the shower

They are lying
Sam I am
I said it on the radio
I'm not that kind of man
now leave me be
Sam I am
I must go eat
my green eggs and ham.