Pranks and Blame

So if you watch TV or read material on the internet you know that the nurse who was prank called by some Australian DJ's committed suicide shortly after.

Apparently much of the public thinks it's the DJ's fault.

I think this has to do with the so called "anti-bullying" stance that has gripped the US and Britain (and possibly elsewhere). It is always tragic when a life is lost that didn't have to be lost. It is also tragic when someone takes their own life when they have other viable options (I say this because I think people with terminal diseases ought to be able to end their lives before the disease does).

But this "someone else must be to blame" culture that is on the rise is ridiculous. Indeed such a prank could have been very harmful. Sensitive information could have been released. If that person was an assassin (work with me here) then someone could have gotten killed.

But none of this was the case. It was silly. We have seen these kinds of things all the time and normal people have a good laugh once the joke is exposed. If it is a high profile case like this one, you milk it for a bit of fame and then go back to life. At worse I could have seen the nursing staff given a review of hospital policy. But a suicide? Total over the top reaction.

What is most bothersome about this is not that he public as expected wanted a head to roll, but it is the unwillingness of the authorities to tell the public to STFU, have seat, Keep calm and carry on. Instead the state is abusing it's power by trying to find some technicality that would allow them to make a charge wholly unrelated to the actual death so that they can "get justice". It is a total abuse of power. Someone didn't have the mental fortitude to take a joke. That is not the DJ's fault. If the DJ's are at fault then all the Candid Camera shows are potential crimes. All spoof shows are potential crimes. The only thing keeping them from being prosecuted would be the amount of public "outrage" over the prank in question.

This is not how the law is supposed to work.

The "Doomed Man" and The Maths

I understand that a lot of people on twitter (which I've left) and elsewhere are venting at the photographer for not "saving" the poor man who was shoved off a NY subway platform and failed to get back onto it before being struck by an incoming train. In defense of the Camera man I'd like to offer this post.

First and foremost: most of us as in 90% of us are not in the physical condition to hoist ourselves up onto a platform with one heave. I can, but most Americans, who are technically obese do not have such strength and dexterity. This is not the Matrix. Dud was not going to up and jump, backflipping into the air right before being struck. His actual best bet was to lie in the middle "ditch" or whatever it is called rather than attempt to get onto the platform.

Secondly is the sheer math for any would be hero. NY subways are multi-ton vehicles that move at upwards of 50 MPH. The claim is that there was 10 seconds before he was stuck by the train. So this man and any bystander had 10 seconds to do what? Get him up after the fall and hoist him to the platform before being struck. Think about this.

A train moving at 50 MPH is moving at 73 feet per second. Put another way in the 10 seconds that the man was on the track bed, that train moved 730 feet. That's over two football fields of distance. Or from the 0 to 50 yard line in 2 seconds.

I wonder how many bystanders could have moved fast enough to get both the victim and themselves out of harms way in that space of time? Someone suggested jumping onto the tracks. Really? Exactly what were they going to do? Hoist him up and then wait to get out, effectively needing MORE time to clear the tracks of humans? That makes no sense.

This was an unfortunate situation but the math did not add up for human intervention. The only thing that would have saved this guy after being on the track would have been to lay down in the middle or to have been in very good physical condition to have vaulted himself to the platform in one go.

So lets stop with the unthinking criticism of the photographer. The math and the physics were against anyone who could have intervened. This is not a movie. This is real life. There is no green screen special effects here.

Flight

I'm no alcoholic but I have an addictive personality. That is I feel hard. Really hard. Once my feelings attach to something or someone it is not much different than being an alcoholic. Well, at least I don't have the busted liver, acidified blood, hang overs and the DWI arrests.

I saw Flight recently and Denzel played the hell out the role. I think he needs to win something for that performance. Very few movies affect me personally and this one did.

One thing an addict will tell you is that there are at least two things that they "enjoy": The anticipation of getting high. That is, knowing the high is coming. It isn't merely being looked for but it is going to be had. Secondly the actual event.

For me that is people. The past few years it was a person. Unrequited love or whatever the hell it was. But Flight made me see it for what it was: An addiction. Just as the addict seeks out the high and gets happy knowing it's coming, I would just be beside myself knowing I was going to see or speak to her. Haven't had it that particularly bad in a long time but there it is. Apparently it showed. A lot. People who barely knew me noticed it.

And like any addict will tell you, when the high is gone, they crash. Nothing is worse than the low after a high. And any addict will tell you each low is worse than the last.

She was my low as well. I knew exactly where things were going, or better yet not going and still looked forward to a word, a call, a message and an outing. Like the dope fiend that will do anything for the high. I would do anything to accommodate her. No request was too much. No distance to far to drive. No meal to expensive. Shit when we had gas rationing out here I drove my car to her aide (which turned out to be unnecessary) because well, I'm an addict.

Yesterday I kicked my habit. In the not to recent past I would have had a great laugh at the expense of some sorry negro who got all emotional and broke up about ending a "friendship" with someone who could have given two fucks about them "in that way". Well, obviously not any fucks at all.

I would have had a great deal of amusement at some sucker who allowed themselves to play "the man" when it was clear as day that they were not wanted like that. I would have told them they were stupid, a sucker and a good deal of other negative things.

Last night sitting in my darkened room, I was that sucker. That stupid mother fucker with his chest heaving and shit as he told someone he probably loved he could no longer remain in contact with her.

I've been on the other side of this situation. I never quite appreciated how it felt to be on the other end. The stupid ass "what did I do?" asked from the object of your affection who is likely totally clueless as to what they are to you (and the few who know full well and simply don't give a fuck).

I was once that dude who was the object of a huge crush. I did not care. If she wanted to hang out it was no problem. If she wanted to go out, no problem. She knows the deal right? Everybody and their mother knows that she is having major fantasies about love and marriage. Me? I'm just looking to have a good time and if she's game then so be it. I'm not even THINKING about how she may feel about being around someone she really really likes but who does not care. Worse, I'm going on about some other chick I'm seeing and the difficulties in that relationship and not even THINKING there's a problem 'cause "It's not like that and she knows it".

Yo. that is some cold cold cold food to dish to someone. And understand, people in that situation will eat that cold dish because in that time and space that dish is the onliest and therefore BEST dish ever. And each time I was around her she would hope that I would see how great a woman she was. And she was. And she thought if she played her cards right and kept herself available (even when she was fucking someone else or at least claiming to), I would come around to the great realization that She was for me.

The grand delusion. One I never thought I'd have. Karma is one long ass train with a funny ass schedule. But it arrives.

I know this because one day I got "The Letter". For those of you who haven't gotten "The Letter" before, understand that it will change you. The Letter explained to me everything I explained above. And you know how she finally moved on? After the letter I didn't hear from her again. And I'll be honest. It didn't even bother me that much. After all who needs the awkward conversation and the puppy dog eyes?

If you're like me you gotta go cold turkey if you want to kick a person habit. If you are so afflicted there is no "friend zone" with someone so oblivious to your feelings that they will continue to "hang out" and the like with you. They are using you plain and simple. Now it may or may not be vicious. It may not be intentional. I can't read minds. But plain and simple they will be getting far more out of the "friendship" than you.

Kind of like the dealer. He gets your hard earned cash, maybe a blowjob or sex. You? You get a brief high and an extra low and if you're really unlucky an incurable disease.

For a while I thought that perhaps I was simply being immature by not being able to handle being "the friend". I wasn't. People throw around "maturity" when they need to justify their positions or when they need to put other people down for not being able to handle situations the same way they would. People are unique. They are wired differently and respond to stuff differently. They are who they are. Any response that they have that allows them to remain healthy; to not be violent to themselves or others, is a good response. May not be the response we approve of. May not be the response we would prefer. But it is their response and their right to it. Respect that.

In the end, I had to do what any addict does. Kick my habit cold turkey. She had to go. And it's not because she was a bad person. Just like alcohol isn't inherently bad (brain cell and liver stuff aside). It is just that I can't handle being around it. Seeing and speaking to her was like an alcoholic going to a bar during happy hour. Not exactly a good idea. It's like having the drink in your hand and swearing up and down you won't have any. You're just trying to look social. But the whole time you are having a fight in your head: don't do it. but just a sip. Don't do it.

In the end, the resentment I felt at being what I consider used lead to a lot of anger. Just like you cannot keep being a drunk and expect to perform your work I was starting to vent at people that had done nothing to me. Redirected anger is OK when it's a punching bag. It's not OK when it's other people. It's not ok when it's yourself.

So I wanna thank Denzel and the universe for providing me with the vision and the message I needed to hear. I was lying to myself about my addiction. I was good at lying to myself about my addiction. My addiction was eating me up.

Hello. I am sondjata an I am an addict. I have been clean for 16 hours.